This has been a tough ten days…

We took our youngest son to the dorms ten days ago. I could not be more proud of him & so happy he is at a wonderful college, small & known for it’s academic excellence. He will thrive there, I have no doubt. On the other hand, I am experiencing the empty nest & it is daunting. After 25 years of being a Mom, I feel a bit adrift. I need to get myself organized, do the things I never had time to do, spend quality time with my husband, create new art & rejuvenate our home. I know I can do this.

 Adding to my distress, there have been people that I care about that have passed away the last few days. Beautiful, caring, creative women that I admired & wanted to spend time with. I am being forced to examine my own mortality, now that I am on the brink of sixty. There is no time to waste. Life goes by when you are busy with something else. In the end all that matters is that we love each other. Make the world brighter with smiles & flowers. Sit in the sun, dance in the rain. Frolic in the snow. That is what matters. 

Insomnia

Tonight I have not been able to fall asleep. I can not stop my brain from running around. There are big changes coming in my life, very soon. Our youngest son leaves for college in three days. He is not going far, only 20 miles down the road, but for the first time in a very long time, in our married life, we will be alone together. No kids to buffer the dinner conversation, no school activities for us to attend. After being a stay at home Mom for the majority of the last 25 years, I am not certain how I am going to handle this change. I should be looking forward to it-finally time to focus on what I want to accomplish, painting & crafts, reading & writing, volunteering for good causes I believe in. But I am afraid. I fear that no other role I play in life will be as satisfying to me as mothering was. Yes, it was frustrating, juggling extracurricular activities & sports & doctors & dentists appointments, sick kids, school projects, PTA & the never-ending fundraising. But it made me proud to be able to help our children achieve their goals. Now, I feel kind of like an old accessory, thrown in the back of the closet. Will I get used again? I sure hope so! It is up to me.

Cats everywhere!

Our daughter left her kitties with us. That makes five cats in our house. Lots of fuzz, food & litterbox cleaning. I am getting attached to them now. They are siblings, Belle & Blue. She is charming & flirty. He is huge & has a gentle demeanor. I will miss them when she moves & can take them to her new place.  

 

musings may 1, 2015

  To know your light

 you have to be acquainted with your shadow.
To know your joy
 you have to have been stuck in the sorrows.
Self discovery is not without its journey 
 full of hills & valleys.
I just want to get to my destination 
 knowing I made my best effort.
not gliding along without trying on 
 The path of least resistance.